Positive Mantra

The whole world seems to be doing this wrong.

As children grow up, we ask them to do certain things. If they do, we
shower love on them. If they don't, we scold them. We deny them our love.

The teacher does it. The boss is no different. And the partner is the
same too.

Rejection. Scorn. Could shoulders. That's what people get when they
don't follow the carrot and stick policy.

Do what I say. Do what I like. Any you'll be my best friend. You'll get
my Love.

But, conditional love works in the short term. Guess we can easily find
the answer from our own experiences.

Unconditional love to children, friends, partners and parents. That's
the winning strategy. Try it and you won't regret.

Posted by JayRaj at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

1. Learn to Listen

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant - Anonymous

Only the mind that listens can understand anything. Listening is not passive as most of us think. It means to let a message sink in, without being judgemental. Don't criticise. Don't comment. Let not your conditioning intefere with Understanding what you are hearing. Put off your filters. Let your intelligence take a break. Don't validate anything.

Listen with a Still, Calm Mind.

You'll hear the deeper meanings. You'll understand the Truth.

2. Understand Yourself

Go Inward. Look inside you. Just relax and let your thoughts come out. Don't try to comment, criticise or judge them.
Your anger, greed, jealousy and envy must be understood by you.

Only when you know the filth and mistakes inside can you change it.

If you refuse that you are bad. Or Deny it. Then you can bnever be Happy.

3. Be in sync with Nature

You must understand the larger perspective of Life. We are designed to live with Nature.
We depend on it for air, water, food etc.

We can't go against it.

Look at Katrina and Tsunami. Nature's fury is powerful and unstoppable.

Love the flowers, plants and trees. Do what you can to protect and nuture it.
Live in harmony with it. Don't destroy anything.

And you'll find the happiness. Remember, as a child, you were thrilled by the first sprout of the seed you sowed in the garden.

A joy unexplained. Happiness in Harmony.

4. Love Unconditionally

The whole world seems to be doing this wrong.

As children grow up, we ask them to do certain things. If they do, we shower love on them. If they don't, we scold them. We deny them our love.

The teacher does it. The boss is no different. And the partner is the same too.Rejection. Scorn. Could shoulders. That's what people get when they don't follow the carrot and stick policy.

Do what I say. Do what I like. Any you'll be my best friend. You'll get my Love. But, conditional love works in the short term. Guess we can easily find the answer from our own experiences.

Unconditional love to children, friends, partners and parents. That's the winning strategy. Try it and you won't regret.

5. Speak the Truth

When you speak the truth, you don't have to remember it. ~ Mark Twain, Author.

Truth is the foundation on which True Love is built. Lies and falseness can crush a romantic relationship. Sooner or later, the person is going to find out the truth and then the love bonds are gone - disappearing into the thin air.

When you're wrong or make a mistake, accept it. And the person will forgive you. Not just that. The bonds of Love grow stronger after that.

And it's easy to speak the truth, in love or in friendship. As Mark Twain said, " When you speak the truth, you don't have to remember it."

Posted by JayRaj at 01:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Shyness, or social anxiety, is now recognized as the third most prevalent psychological disorder in the world, and the most misdiagnosed.

Shyness is a form of extreme consciousness about one's own thoughts, feelings and emotions. It swings from a timid social uncomfortability to a completely inhibiting social phobia.

Consequences of Shyness

Shy persons are extremely negative, tend to underestimate themselves, feel uncomfortable in a social setting, focus on themselves while interacting with confident people. They talk less, do not initiate conversations, turn fidgety, have low self-esteem and avoid gazing into the eyes of people. Shy people tend to underperform, achieve less and even marry late.

Culture and Shyness.

Studies report a higher percentage of shyness in Asians, as compared to the US or France. One plausible reason being the way each culture deals with success and achievements. Most Asian cultures attribute success to parents, teachers, elders and institutions. Schooling, careers, or wedding decisions are always taken after discussion with family, friends and relatives. Hence the individual restrains expression on vital issues, resulting in shyness. Asian cultures also foster shyness as a social control mechanism or a desired form of modesty. While people the advanced western nations are highly individualistic, expressive, shoulder responsibilities and face the consequences themselves.

Pain Attacks

The extreme form of social anxiety results in panic attacks. Interacting with the opposite sex, speaking at a social gathering, fear of being watched and facing a more confident person are some situations that can set off a panic attack.

In such situations, the shy person blushes, the pulse rises, sweat trickles down the face, hands tremble, knees turn weak and the head goes into a tizzy. This is a result of repression of emotions.

Controlling Panic Attacks

Accepting the truth helps. The moment you realize, you tend to find a way to get over it. If you deny or withdraw into a shell, things are bound to go from bad to worse.

Speak to Someone You Trust

This results in relieving the pressure. It also facilitates discussion of one's problem, possibly leading to a solution.

Take a few deep breaths to soothen your tense nerves. Yoga, meditation, exercises or some regular outdoor activity definitely helps in overcoming the handicap.

Treatment for Shyness

While extreme cases of social phobia need a visit to behavioural therapist, milder ones can be handled effectively by individuals.

Work on Social Skills

Begin to attend smaller parties, join discussion groups or neighbourhood clubs. Such socializing will slowly lead to better interaction with others. Initially, it may be quite discomforting and sometimes fearful, but persist and you can get over it.

Join a Public Speaking Class

Take courage friend, join a session. You'll feel comfortable on seeing many with similar problems. Better public speaking skills mean confidence, which will lead to overcoming shyness.

Learn to be Assertive

Begin at home. Speak up and be heard. Get things done your way. Get family's confidence to improve social skills.

Group Sessions

Share problem with pals. Get together on Sunday afternoons or hit the beach in the evenings. Initiate a discussion, participate, comment, joke, listen and voice your opinion. A session a week will help you overcome the handicap.

Exercise

Relax. Go out for evening walks. Join the gym. Try meditation, self-hypnosis, yoga or badminton. Keeping the body fit helps one to fight shyness, which often manifests in visible bodily reactions.

Most shy people think they'll grow out of it, many don't and suffer all through life with a negative image of themselves. Act now. Save further embarrassment.

Posted by JayRaj at 01:13 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Take this test to check out if you're the guy or girl people are lookin' for.

1> When you send a card to your guy or girl, do you...

a> Just pick up one, sign and post it.
b> Search for a card that expresses your feeling, put a sticker or two on it, paint or scribble verses and then mail it.
c> Send a belated e-card.

2> Are you the kind who…

a> Appreciates little things like her new bindi or cute little leather purse
b> Can't spot even her new dress
c> Appreciates anything new her sister tries on

3> If you quarreled with him or her, would you…

a> Irritate him or her by calling his or her best friend and saying life's become a big bore.
b> Wait for the other to make up.
c> Plant a 'I'm sorry' signboard outside her window, spring a surprise and ask him or her out for a moonlight dinner.

4> If you were together at home and couldn't move out since it poured cats and dogs, would you...

a> Bring out your guitar from the attic and play for her.
b> Be frustrated that the rain's not letting up.
c> Sink into a sofa and switch onto ESPN ;-)

5> If you two went to the beach, would you...

a> Wait for her to get wet to have some fun.
b> Be looking at the other young girls playing in the waters.
c> Pick up little shells for her collection.

6> Are you the type who...

a> Loves the wind blowing in your face, birds chirping and the cat purring in your ears.
b> Hates music and going out shopping with her.
c> Is afraid to be alone.

Answers
1. b 2. a 3. c 4. a 5. c 6. a

Posted by JayRaj at 11:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Rapid Weight Loss isn't the Right Way to Slim.

The reducing business seems to be on the roll. Every third person we meet these days seems to be on a diet. While 'better looks' may be the driving factor for most, obesity related health problems is slowly beginning to force many to take a re-look at their diet and lifestyle patterns.

Is Rapid Weightloss Healthy?

Certainly not is your doctor's advice. Any weight management programme designed for rapid loss of weight, will swiftly swing back again, leading to square one. Most fad diets stay alive only for a short time. You cut down on fats, reduce intake, stop munching between meals, skip a breakfast for 14 days. And when you revert to your regular eating patterns, the flab begins to reappear.

What's the Way to Do It?

You must follow the right combination of nutrition, exercise and right lifestyle. The number of calories you take in and that spent by the body should be balanced. If your intake is more, the excess is stored as fat, about 3000 calories equal kilogram. Hence, if your goal for the month is to lose one kilogram, you must reduce your intake for the month by 7000 calories.

How does One Know This

Today, science is so advanced that every food and activity has calorific equivalents. This helps in determining your weight management programme, quite effectively.

Food and Exercise.

While reducing the intake of calories, its not necessary to stop all fatty foods. The overall calories intake must fall. Drastic changes in eating patterns is not advisable, instead a steady shift in basic eating patterns will do a world of good. Exercising helps to burn the flab and tone up the muscles. Those indulging in sedantry lifestyles must soon become more active, since obesity sneaks up on you unnoticed. And before long, you get used to your paunch and lethargic lifestyle.

Who should Not Attempt a Diet Programme.

Alcoholics, diabetes, pregnant women and those with a history of medical problems, must consult a doctor before attempting a weightloss programme.

Benefits of Staying in Shape.

Prevention of cardio vascular diseases is a major gain. Keeping fit increases your confidence levels, builds a better social image, keeps you active through the day, extends your years and shuts out a lost of overweight related health problems.

Freeze…. and read this now

1> Stop munching while watching television.
2> Reduce alcohol intake.
3> Non-vegetarians remove all visible fat before consuming.
4> Don't keep sitting. Keep moving.
5> Cut down on fatty fried foods and richly dressed salads.
6> Chew food well.
7> Say no to second helpings of generous hosts.

Disclaimer: The information contained in this article is for the general public awareness only. The patient is advised to take proper medical opinion before undergoing any treatment mentioned herein. The author and publisher are not responsible for any consequences thereof.

Posted by JayRaj at 11:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

10 ways to please men

Make Him Feel Like An Emperor

Men have large egos. They have been hunters, warriors and conquerors, you see. Give him your best, day or night. Serve him with love. Dress him up. Feed him and put him to bed. Pamper his ego.

Listen to Him

Everybody wants to talk. About the past, ambitions, fears, failures and dreams. Just listen to him, even if he's a bore.

Remind Him of His Mom's Birthday

There's nothing sweeter to a man's ears than words about his family. Keep in touch with them. Send gifts, preferably without telling him. Praise your husband in private.

Tickle His Palate

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Attend a cookery class if needed, try Italian, Mexican, Chinese and Continental. But, don't forget his favourites. Get things done when he's relishing. For sure, he won't say no to anything.

Don't Complain, Even If You Have Reasons

Men hate women who complain. Just grin and bear things. Ask him to suggest a solution for your problem and he'll gladly do. They love to hear good things about themselves. Go on, but stop when he switches on the TV.

Don't Boast About Your Family

You might have been the princess in your home, ate berries soaked in honey and drove in a Mercedes. Forget that, enjoy life in his one-bedroom apartment, fighting mosquitoes and bedbugs and driving his 1980s Maruti.

Treat Him Like a Kid

Men are so vulnerable inside. They pretend to be tough, sporting moustaches to prove it. They talk less about problems, but that doesn't mean they don't have any. Lend him your ears and your shoulders.

Surprise Him Now and Then

Prepare a candle light dinner unannounced. Try a skirt and bright tops for the Friday cinema. Sew his sweater for winter. Buy him designer briefs. Call his sister in the US. Lend him your savings when in trouble.

Don't Mind Him Eyeing other Women

It's his nature you see. Harmless flirtations can be tolerated. Comments on your friends can be overlooked. Even Cindy Crawford's hubby eyes other girls, so does Aishwarya's boyfriend.

Tell Him You Love Him, Everyday

Man's insecurities are underplayed. Tell him he looks young with advancing age, despite his bald pate. Hold his hands, tell him you just can't wait to see him every evening, though actually you'd enjoy if he came home late.

Posted by JayRaj at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant - Anonymous

We are often pounded by visuals, sounds, smells and touches of hundreds of things around us that we seldom succeed in listening and perceiving things correctly. To hear is to pick up the sounds. To listen is to give attention to what is being heard.

To listen well you must develop an inner silence. Forget the noise inside you. Focus on the speaker - posture, body language, eye contact, tone of voice, arm movements, head tilts and, at the same time, attend to your own reactions as you perceive the message. It requires a lot of self-discipline, but will surely result in a marked improvement in personal relationships and performance at work.

A good listener can take in and understand 300-700 words per minute, while a good speaker can only utter 125-150 words per minute. The listener must adjust to the speaker's speed or it'll create an emotional barrier between the two.

Most of us love talking. It feels good to talk to someone who'll listen. Let's remember, others feel the same way too. Listening means caring for the opinions, desires, problems, hopes and fears of another. Emphatic listening is hearing and perceiving the world as someone else experiences, without passing judgements. It makes others feel safe and secure in your company.

One must listen with humility. Forget your own experiences. Stop evaluating as something is being said. Don't assume things. Don't let your predetermined image of the person distort what you are listening. As they say, to see a tree you must become the tree, meaning you should not see the tree through the image of a tree already formed in your mind. Each experience is fresh and has to be viewed new every time.

Don't interrupt the speaker's flow of thought. Ask a question to confirm that you were indeed listening. Nod your head to encourage the speaker. If you've really missed something, ask him to repeat. Occasional interruptions help to keep in touch with the speaker.

Listen for gaps between what you say and what you do. This helps to bridge the inadequacies in your personality. It helps you to keep up with your image. It gives you the feedback so vital to plugging the gaps in your character.

When the water in the pond is still, you can see the pebbles at the bottom. Drop a stone, and the muddy water prevents clear visibility. So be calm. You can listen to what exactly the speaker says. Pay attention. Stay still. You'll hear what you have to hear.

Posted by JayRaj at 10:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Open the newspapers each day and what do you see?

Deaths, shootings, war, terrorist attacks, suicides, bombings, tsunamis. Switch on the TV and it's the same. Graphic images of war, killings and natural calamities.

Look around us. What do you observe? Divorces, Relationship problems, Greed, Jealousy, Prejudices and more. The whole world seems to be full of negative things.

And we wanted to change that a bit. Help people handle negative things better, change their perspective, value good things, build confidence, love, peace and positivism in you.

Positive Thoughts. Positive Attitude. Positive Life. That's Positive Mantra.

If we've made you think positively, feel positively, see positively and talk positively, we consider our JOB DONE.

The Men, the Mission

Raj (aka Rajasekar KS) is a 30-something who believes that LOVE can cure the ills of this world. A Mass Communications grad, he preaches that only the fundamental values of life can lead to HAPPINESS. And what is taught by the age of 10 shapes the experiences and success throughout LIFE. With a deep interest in social psychology and interpersonal communication, Raj has had the fortune of counselling many corporate executives in crisis.

Clear insight, empathy, communication and the ability to solve problems are his strengths. A journalist, he is currently penning two books -The Smart Parent and The Smart Teacher, both handbooks to help parents and teachers realize their potential of children and shape their lives.

Jay (Jaydeep Patil) is a deeply religious guy with an inquiring mind. Jay too believes in the simplicity of life. "Be simple. It works," is his philosophy. He firmly believes that people can CHANGE themselves into Positive Beings, if only they are willing To Do It. A person who doesn't harm a fly, Jay believes that you must "Love All, Hate None," and you'll be at harmony with this world.

Like Raj, Jay too feels that our bonding with Mother Nature is critical to our Happiness. And that, if we shape our outlook and let out the Positive Energy, it will surely dissipate all the Negative Energies around us. Greed, Jealousy, Prejudices …will all vanish, the moment we look inward and turn Positive. That's the Positive Mantra.

A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step.

We have taken that small step to help people drive out their negatives and have a positive outlook, positive attitude and a positive life.

How to shape your positive attitude?

Remember, whenever you want to understand anything about yourself, begin by understanding the thoughts, memories and experiences inside you. They determine the way you are. They have an impact upon your success of Life.

Your thoughts and experiences make you Happy or Sad.

"Know Thyself," said Socrates, the great philosopher. "Go inward," goaded the Eastern Philosophers. The best way to do this is to allow your thoughts to come out, without any effort to judge them. When you sit down alone, meditate reflect about you, there will be plenty of RANDOM Thoughts that arise.

Just observe them like you'd watch fishes in an Aquarium. See the Greed, Jealousy, Prejudices, Hatred against colleagues, Anger, Frustration and all the negative tendencies come up.

Don't suppress them; don't pass comments or criticisms on any thought. Detach yourself and observe. Become aware of all these tendencies in you. Soon you'll begin to Realize things, you'll see why you behave the way you do. Because what parents, teachers, elders, books and soap operas taught you early in life, seems to influence what you think and do today.
The Knowledge and Experiences gained early in life seem to shape you, without you realizing it. When you begin to understand this, you'll become Aware, Alive and you'll begin to Change.

Understanding this helps in resolving all your conflicts and negative energies. The moment you've understood this, you'll feel a Personal Transformation taking place. You'll begin to think, act and do things differently. You'll be able to overcome the negative influences that the early experiences have on you. And lo! Positive Energy floods your whole being and energises you.

You life has NOW Changed. And YOU can look forward to a Positive Life.

The Positive Mantra has begun to work. Good Luck.

Posted by JayRaj at 09:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)