Positive Mantra

How often do we hear a child say, "Mummy Jennie is not giving me her toys, but when she comes home she plays with my toys." A child does seem to know rights and wrongs. This he actually learns by watching parents, elders, neighbours and relatives. And possibly television and movies.

Teach 'em early

Children must be taught morals from their formative years when much of life's vital learning takes place. If parents take care to steady the child's values he will grow up straight. Else he'll become like the angled plant which can't be straightened later.

Set examples

The best way to teach children what's right and wrong is by practicing those values you want to instill. When you don't quarrel, get angry or hurl abuses, he knows that it's the approved behaviour. Let them learn from the way you behave with your spouse and others.

Even if you are upset or in a mood to hurl abuses at your spouse, hold yourself when the child is around. Try postponing the issue and dealing with it when your child has gone out to play. That way you'll ensure that the child understands morals when you talk about them.

Practice what you preach

One day when a friend of mine admonished her child for walking into the house with her slippers on, the child shot back saying, "But even you came inside yesterday with your slippers on." Needless to say the mother was stunned to silence, more so because I was there. This happens to most parents. Remember, children don't forget certain things. If you say something and act to the contrary, the child believes that there's isn't much of a problem doing the same.

Be consistent

Sometimes when parents are busy they tend to overlook a fault in the child. Parents must be consistent with the values that they seek to inculcate in their children. One parent admonishing the child for a wrong and the other condoning it for the same does a lot of damage to the child's psychology.

Worse still is another common mistake of parents. To argue with each other when a child is spanked by one of them. The child will be perplexed not knowing which is right and which is wrong.

Reward good behaviour

"That's like a good boy. Well done!" Well, this is exactly what the child needs. Little praises when he is on the right side. Children tend to learn faster when there's pleasure attached to it. When you reward him you not only boost his confidence, but also subtly tell him that good behaviour makes him acceptable, loving to all around him. Every child loves to belong.

At times you've got to be tough

When I took my child to the family physician one day, my little one after the doctor's examination wanted to be picked up but I asked her to sit on the chair for sometime since I was listening to the doctor's advice. My daughter cried and sat on the floor yelling all the while. For a moment I intended to pick her up but the doctor was cool, "No.. don't…leave her there.. she'll soon learn that stubbornness doesn't pay… then she'll quietly come back to you". That was an important lesson I learnt. Don't give in to everything.

Violence isn't the answer

Spare the rod and spoil the child, you did read when you were young. But, remember, lashing the child for every little wrong only breeds contempt for you. The child could build such resentment inside that everything you say will be discounted. Worse still, the child may begin to think that violence is might. And that it's the way to dominate over others. And soon you'll find him threatening, bullying and picking up fights regularly. You need to be patient with kids, because they are kids, not adults.

Stimulate their thoughts

Whenever you tell them a story ask them a moral question that sets their minds ticking. For example, if you were narrating the story of the Hare and the Tortoise, ask them why the hare lost. Let them come up with their explanations. In the end tell them the true reason. And teach them that being slow and steady in everything you do ensures success.

Teaching your children right from wrong

The best to teach is to

a. Set an example.

b. Be consistent in your behaviour.

c. Openly talk about values.

d. Reward good behaviour.

e. Use Characters in stories, movies and TV serials to drive home your point.

f. Attach a pleasure to practicing good behaviour.

g. Stop giving into everything.

Posted by JayRaj at 08:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Almost every child exhibits fear of some kind. And parents must understand positively that this is quite normal. Little children are very dependent on parents and feel inadequate to handle certain situations. They may imagine strange noises, scream at the shadows or be scared to death of ghosts. Most parents deal with it in two ways. “Oh, Akshay you aren’t afraid of that. Are you? or “Don’t act like a pussy. You aren’t a child anymore.” The pep talk and the shaming do more harm than good. Infact it adds to the agony of the child that he has to loose parental respect or love because of his fears. This couldn’t instill inner conflicts in the child.

Telling a child that its normal goes a long way towards solving this problem, “Its just normal. Even I was afraid of strange noises when I was young.” This reassures the child that his feelings aren’t abnormal. Better still hold his hands, take him onto you lap and calm him before trying to reason with his fears.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal
- Henry Ford

Among the common fears in children is fear of separation. Since they are so dependent on parents, pre-schoolers often think their parents would leave them and go away. This may result in clinging to the mother, because she is the one who spends most of the time with the child. Parents may find it so irritating that they can’t go out even for a minute, leaving the child at home. Many parents compound this by threatening, “If you behave like t his one day I’ll leave you here and go out.” This will confirm to the child its fears that the parent will go away.

Instead one should comfort the child and later tell the child that you love it so much and you’re away just for an hour. And that you’d come back and play with her or take her to the garden. Psychologists say this is a deeper feeling than you think. Jealousy and rivalry with one the parents for the affection of t he other is often the actual cause. But, that is too complicated for most of us to understand.

Many children are scared of dogs. Much of this fear stems from parental instructions on dogs and at times a parent’s own fears are transmitted to the child. The best way to handle this would be to deal with it matter-of-factly. And put his anxieties to rest. Would getting a dog home actually calm his fears? Well, it may or may not. Since most of the time fear of dogs is just a manifestation of a deeper inner conflict.

Fear of darkness is a universal problem. Children may wet in their beds or wake up three to four times at night asking for water. Don’t be peeved or over-excited about this. Calm his nerves and put him to sleep. “There’s really nothing to worry dear.” Switch on the light for him to see. Leave the light on for some time to reassure him. A dim light would be advisable in the bedroom.

Starting to school and the arrival of a sibling at home creates fear in many children. Parents have to be understanding about the anxieties of the older child and not criticize or be judgemental about his feelings. Let the child be reassured that his feelings are perfectly normal. At the same time you should help the child realize that going to school is fun, so is having a younger brother or sister.

Posted by JayRaj at 09:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)