Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Short Funny Quotes

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.
Abe Lemons

Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Samuel Butler

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but an onion a day keeps everyone away.
Cassandra Chatfield

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
Albert Einstein

A day without sunshine is like... night.
Anonymous.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates.

Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman.
Kathy Lette

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Anonymous

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual.
Patrick Moore, astronomer

Yes time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late.
Mike Tyson

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.
Thomas Jefferson

Education is what remains when one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Albert Einstein

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Anonymous

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Philander Johnson

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
John Gotti